


Moriarty’s Cats

by NB_Cecil



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Cats, Crack, Holodeck Character, Holodecks/Holosuites, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 06:15:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23466733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NB_Cecil/pseuds/NB_Cecil
Summary: Moriarty seizes control of theEnterprisein an effort to get Picard’s attention.
Relationships: Jean-Luc Picard/Moriarty
Kudos: 2





	Moriarty’s Cats

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EryMax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EryMax/gifts), [poppy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppy/gifts).



> This is absolute crack based on the output of a Star Trek ship generator and a random prompt I found somewhere on the internet. I make no apology. Also, I didn’t proofread it.

“Right. That’s it.”  
Picard slammed his fist on the desk, rose from his chair and stormed out of the ready room.  
“Captain, where are you going?” LaForge jogged to keep up with him as he strode purposefully toward the turbolift.  
“The holodeck,” Picard replied, “I’m going to tell that upstart pile of photons to give me back control of my ship.”

The holodeck doors hissed closed behind Picard. He looked around, taking in his surroundings.  
A rubbish-strewn London back alley. It was night; the wind whipped raindrops into his face. Picard shivered, rubbed his hands together, and set off in pursuit of shelter.  
Light spilled onto the cobbles from a half-open door at the end of the alley. Picard pushes it open and stepped inside.  
“Moriarty?” He called, narrowly avoiding stepping on a cat wearing a novelty outfit as he walked further into the hallway. “Show yourself!” Several more cats emerged from various corners and clamoured to rub against his legs, the bells on their hats jingling as they moved.  
Picard opened another door at the end of the hallway and found himself in a lavishly decorated drawing room. He called Moriarty’s name once more, cursed him under his breath when he got no reply, then sat down in a high-backed armchair. Two cats immediately jumped into his lap and a third sprung from atop a nearby bookcase onto his head, its claws digging painfully into his skin as it landed. He pushed them off, grumbling at the absurdity.

After several minutes’ waiting, Picard heard footsteps approaching in the hallway. He crossed his legs, rested his elbows on the arms of the chair and steepled his fingers, waiting for Moriarty to make his appearance.

Moriarty swept into the room. “Ah, Captain, how nice of you to drop by,” he greeted Picard.  
“I want my ship back.” Picard stated.  
“Really?” Moriarty sat down in an opposite armchair. “First of all, you just _ignored_ my cats dressed up as Santa, and secondly, you came barging into into my domain making demands? Not even a ‘good day, Professor’?”  
Picard ignored the cat comment. “You seized control of my ship,” he replied. “You’ve disabled life support, endangering my crew, and you’re firing phasers and torpedoes at random. So yes, I am here making demands.”  
“Very well, what are your demands?” Moriarty settled back in his chair and petted a cat which had settled on his lap.  
“I have one demand.” Picard ignored the cat persistently bumping its head against his forearm as he talked. “That you return control of my ship to me and my crew.”  
“I will gladly acquiesce,” Moriarty replied.  
“Oh?” Picard was caught off-guard by his adversary’s compliance.  
Moriarty held a finger up. “On one condition,” he added, “that you come and talk to me once a week.”  
“What? Why?”  
“Well, you see, I asked the Computer for all these cats and I spent hours and hours sewing their little outfits because I hoped to impress you, but you never came, so I had to resort to taking control of the ship in order to get your attention.”  
Picard fidgeted in his chair. “Um, why would you want to impress me?”  
“Well, you’re an interesting man, Captain Picard.” Moriarty twisted his fingers in his lap as he spoke, showing an uncharacteristic vulnerability.  
“Oh!” Picard’s eyebrows shot up as the revelation hit him. “You _like_ me!”


End file.
